I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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