so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Success! We fucked roommates!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
