Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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