I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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