Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
