Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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