kristin has been a bad kristin
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
