it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
