he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
