My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
