i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Even my vagina gasped.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
