this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize