I think I died a long time ago.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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