I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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