I'll bet she douches with gravy.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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