Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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