Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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