So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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