Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize