Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just gargled with NyQuil
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
