Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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