You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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