Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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