did you get engaged???
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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