i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
