she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
