so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
