my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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