I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize