I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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