He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
