I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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