terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
