btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
