The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
