i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
