True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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