This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
