would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
