I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
