walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
