The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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