im six kinds of drunk right now
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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