Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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