you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
