Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
