no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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