happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
