Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
