Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
