After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
