what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
