My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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