You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
