Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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