We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
