well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
