Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
