She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
