What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
