I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
