Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
