i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
