Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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