had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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