my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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