i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
