Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
