Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i would punch a child for taco bell
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
