Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
