She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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