Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
